Aelissa Rodriquez October 7, 2013, 12:23 am Reply. Depression n anxiety is killing me. Ha……… the Internet. Your use of this Site is deemed to be your acceptance of these Terms. At the time, I was the CEO at Sevenly and had 40 employees to look after. I am trying to learn to cope with things beyond my control. I too am struggling with a spouse that has anxiety and depression issues. My wife knows when this is happening. Any idea of some things I can do to try and help her daily? But You Don't Need to Let Anxiety Win! I've always had bad trust issues with relationships, I honestly blame my self for all the gf's that have left me, or decided to run off with another guy. I am nasty (verbally) to the people I care about. To make my story short. My wife makes it worse. ), the strain can be too much for a marriage to survive. Thank you and God bless. My wife has a very strong personality and doesn’t truly understand. It zaps your positive self-image with ugly words (You’re unattractive. But, she is not crazy. Thank you. So hard to filter through what’s real and what’s not. We are both musicians, and we work together full time. She mentioned, “The deposit didn’t come it, YOU BETTER CALL THEM!” So I call. How my needs are unmet. It’s killing me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Overweight hates life doctors medicines etc. I start rambling on about nonsense, and throwing accusations. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Our guests posts are written by independent bloggers. Look at your fear in your mind and release it. The content on The Daily Positive (TDP) is designed to provide general supportive ideas and resources for a positive life. Your line, “Life was flat, dark, and focused purely on survival” resonated deeply with me, as that’s been my life for the past 18 months or so (horrendous abuse). You can write down the cause of the fear and say. However make a list of the negative behaviors and personality traits of the other and tell yourself you can do better or at least is best to be alone that in that bad company. My newly wife has anxiety and always had this problem for years. The pursuit of more success when we really need to learn the peace of contentment. Of course there is something to work through and TIME is important to release your attachment from the other person. Repeat this many times until you believe it. She will not go to a marriage counselor and doesn’t want me to get help as well. © 2021 - Made with ❤ by The Daily Positive - All Rights Reserved. Auto suggestion or positive self talk works well. It’s very difficult to understand. This had been a … That was almost 25 years ago. Its nice to see that I am not the only one who goes through this and I know mine is only temporary because of the situation of my boyfriend healing and getting better. I can tell if you could flip a switch and bring light into this darkness,you absolutely would but stress and struggle both take time to heal. I feel sorry for my sons who have to witness this. You would be hurting yourself more. While my version of anxiety included panic, insomnia, and phobias, hers included chronic depression. I have been dealing with anxiety for 5 months now. My husband and I have been going through the same thing. After all these years, the initial thing that started this whole ball rolling doesn’t affect me anymore but has left me with all the things I mentioned before. So, if any of this sounds familiar – like experiences you’ve had, feelings your spouse has expressed (or you’ve observed), or even if your friends, family, or other loved ones are dealing with these problems – seek help! I don’t know what to do. That in itself is inspiring and it WILL inspire someone else to begin the process themselves. problem is I cant forgive him for something that happened years ago, that's the trigger for me. I read many times in the literature, that part of our problem is that we do not stand up for ourselves, do not demand respect for fear of loss, and are afraid to just say “NO!”. Chances are, she’s been struggling for some time before she let you in on her secret. Oh, and it’s never ‘her fault”. Without trying to bear the whole wait of her situation? Eighteen short months later, my wife and I are on a new journey with our baby in a new state and a new commitment. These problems can manifest themselves in withdrawing from communication, wallowing in self-pity, and even trying to convince a spouse that you’re beyond help. So everyone should be careful about condemning others, because everyone’s journey through depression is different. I hope you find a counselor or a doctor to talk to in order to address the issue and hopefully resolve it. She has never handled stress particularly well and it seems to be getting worse. Anger builds, I just want her to GTFO. If you are in need of expert or professional support in any area of your life, we strongly recommend you reach out to someone in your local area who is qualified to provide that guidance to you. I feel as though I am a mute. I spent 2 decades running the pain of my depression; denying it existed; and self medicating with relationships and alcohol. I suffer with anxiety, I take lorazepam for it.The er nurse put me on it after I had an anxiety attack and thought I was dying.After about One week of taking it I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath until I took a pill. If you believe God is power request that power internally or ask for help through your church. Or the anxiety-fear can be from past experiences when you were small, perhaps from negative experiences with parents or adults in your past, and you have the anxiety =fear internalized, fear of abandonment ( they left you alone and something negative happened), or some one abused you physically, or verbally. To make matters worse and a bit more complicated, I also help her in her business everyday. Anxiety is also, by definition, very self-absorbed. I have been crying for 3 days and absolutely terrified that I am going to lose my husband. Well, I’ve had anxiety and anger issues all my life. “I remember days where I was fighting off a panic attack while coaching her through reasons to be happy again.”. I know it’s hard to find medication that works. For example a gf or bf /husband/ wife, has gone out of the relationship and met some one else and even though you forgave her/him the behavior is in the back of your mind. Anxiety can be an emotional rollercoaster ride, alternating between quiet suffering and lashing out at the cruel world they perceive. My newly wife has anxiety and always had this problem for years. So what needs to happen is to have clear in your mind the cause of the anxiety=fear. Luckily! If it is internal you need to confront the internalized past, either through counsel or by yourself. People think that depression is a choice. I called my pyschologist earlier and she called me needy. This my first month receiving SS retirement. It's a must-watch in my opinion. This blog post was written by an independent guest contributor.Author Name: D Patridge. I recently lost my mother and ever since my anxiety has been horrible. Or you suffered hanger or thirst. One must have clear what is causing the fear. If you want to fix your panic … If her family upsets her, I have to listen. Required fields are marked *. I throw temper tantrums. Hi, I'm glad i read your post - your wife sounds like me. My anxiety is killing me. Now I release you, fear=anxiety. And the worst part, and I really mean the worst part is: THAT I CANT EVEN PIN POINT THE SINGLE SOURCE OF MY ANXIETY. Good luck. How can you know if someone reading your post has MDD or just a first, single event depression? I gave up a full time job to stay home and spend time with our son. How a situation could be threatening to me. Worse I’ve done to date is stab my leg with an ice pick. I was devastated when I discovered my wife had been seeing an old boyfriend and had sex with him. Years of trauma left my brain chemicals so low that medication was needed. As we stood on stage in front of all of those strangers, acting our hearts out, I never once believed we would find ourselves here. By continuing to use this website, you consent to the use of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Hi, unicor - This is all good advice. He has not been able to keep a job the 9 yrs we have been married, I feel like I am the one to always pick up the pieces, I am always very stressed, I try and encourage my husband to try and face his anxiety and try not to let it take over our life, I feel like he does not understand that although I do not have anxiety or panic attacks , he is not the only one going through a rough patch, the stress gets so bad I feel like I am about to have a heart attack, It took my husband 2 yrs to find a job and after 3 mths he lost that job because he was so afraid to go anywhere, he called in 5 days straight so he was let go of, I just feel that no matter what I do to help him its never good enough, at times he can be so mean and angry and shuts me out, I get very frustrated and feel that getting a divorce is the only answer to relieve all the stress , but then I think about our marriage vows and I vowed in sickness and in health . Without any kind of treatment, anxiety will continue to bear down, chipping away at the enjoyment you find in life, reducing your willingness and ability to connect with others, and pressing you into a dark corner that takes all of your strength to escape. OMG, that sounded so st As we stood on stage in front of all of those strangers, acting our hearts out, I never once believed we would find ourselves here. If your wife struggles with anxiety, I know you feel helpless at times. I feel like im going to stop breathing and I'm afraid ill just pass out and die. My wife has struggled with anxiety since before we got married, although I failed to notice exactly what it was until the last year and a half or so. Now, nine times out of ten, the man struggling with these questions does not exactly have a squeaky-clean past himself… Retroactive jealousy can seriously warp and distort our perspective on what is “normal” and not normal, what is and isn’t acceptable, what’s a dealbreaker, and what’s not. etc. Go for long walks near a large body of water like the ocean, lake or river. Years later , I have a wife who has ptsd, chronic depression, a business and two kids under two… I am sleepless, exhausted, but happy with my blessings. Each day, I have to chose to live slowly and healthy and to lean into him and the healthy group of friends I have formed. He is not telling you to hire a therapist, move to the woods and stop working after 6 – he is sharing what worked for him. I also pray that you don’t let the darkness define you. “It took about 6 months to reach normal again.”. It does not in any way represent to be, nor replace, the advice and support of experts and professionals. Usually ending with me throwing something at the wall. I literally love this woman but half the time she is literally overwhelmed, complaining and although therapy is helping its incrementally slower because of the constant up and downs. It was great that your spouse and yourself were able to heal, however, and I don’t want to minimize in any way the impact of this article, I think it would be important to mention that some mental illnesses can be controlled but never really go very far away. Perhaps this can help you as well - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/health-issues-harming-marriage/. I do not need you any more, I understand how you came about and now in the present I let you go. He struggled his whole life, with bitter divorced parents and financial struggles. I can relate to your situation on so many different levels, I had my first bout of anxiety in 1997 when I found out that someone had used my personal details in a big mortgage fraud. Question. We've got two kids. I don’t want my child to grow up in 2 different homes. Continues with the belittling, I ask her to leaved tell her I’m getting angry. I think trying to manage panic attacks without xanax is really hard, but it’s doable. I have been looking for a full time job again so that we can get out of debt. It’s as if your very core is broken. So why do I feel like I am not good enough? As you can see I am really at a cross roads with many issues. At which time she says something like: “You have an anger problem!” To which I reply: “YES AND YOU MAKE IT WORSE. I finally hit rock bottom and found a loving, Christ centered counselor who over the course of three years taught me to replace the lies in my head with the truth of God’s word. My wife’s anxiety was my fault. She's never thrown up any red flags...but it seems like any slight deviation in my conversations with her, throws up all kinds of red flags that aren't even there! I feel horrible! It sounds like you'd found a good woman! He is my rock and the father of my child. Keep up the good work. To my wife and my best friend, When we first met five years ago, I never thought I would be writing this. She says she just likes playing devils advocate. And what works for you will be something completely different. He does not, but I would suspect he has some underlying issues (which most people have to a certain extent). I dont feel like myself and I want to just get back to my happy loving self. Panic Attacks are Hard on Your Mind. My Anxiety is Killing Me: A Poetry Collection | Nichols, Jordan, Branham, Brittney | ISBN: 9781798703519 | Kostenloser Versand für alle Bücher mit Versand und Verkauf duch Amazon. If anything, if I were you, I’d begin to see what steps can be taken to assist yourself with whatever it is you are bitter about because it is causing you to reflect it out to the world. Slowly. It is destroying my marriage and it is destroying me. You are worthy and lovely despite this mess and you are STRONG enough to overcome! She’ll drive me to the point of not just anger, but rage. It’s just safer. I feel useless… But the interesting this is. My wife and I learned that happiness and health is a choice. I am young, we are young (mid and late twenties), I purchased a home in one of the most beautiful and sought after zip codes in the country, we both have lead careers in fields we love (tech and cycling), he recently started a new career, I have been doing all I need to do find a new career, we are healthy, young and tenacious. He even said if he wasn’t afraid of hell he would have killed himself and he told me he doesn’t think he’s supposed to be with me. I began working less and taking more time for myself. Hint to wives with anxiety ridden husbands: LEAVE US ALONE! If it’s a recurring event, medication to maintain a baseline is a worthy consideration. I am easily irritated, I have lost interest in activities that I love to do and theres times where I cant feel love for my boyfriend or my family. Once stabilized, if this is a single event, go off the meds. You just have to reach an understanding and MUTUAL respect. Would sleep over 9 to 12 hours, if didn’t have this it will make her very unbalance & disturbed. While we were struggling so now I feel betrayed. My heart has been broken. I know that anxiety has to do with this and reflects her every motion she faces in her daily task. Privacy Policy. Is Your Anxiety Killing Your Sex Life? Chronic stress and mental disorders uncared for can destroy your life. My heart has been broken. And as most people who suffer from mental illness know keeping up appearances is draining. All rights reserved. While we are going back and forth, we are making different assumptions about which account, so it sounds to each of us, that neither party is listening to the other. But it seems like when I start to feel "ok" my mind just goes crazy..and I start to get really bad anxiety and I usually don't eat for a day or two. They may not know themeselves yet. I told him i am going to get help, but he doesn’t want to listen anymore. But we understood nobody could start the journey, but us. Your wife probably tries to hide her episodes of anxiety and depression because she doesn’t want to burden you or the family. We’ve come a long way. My wife is also has a “strong personality” and is a “control freak”. I think the point of the article is to instill in a person who is dealing with mental health issues that the opportunity to reevaluate their lives and make necessary changes, whatever the changes may be, is always present. Whether my patients have OCD, social anxiety, a phobia, panic, or are just generally anxious about life, they come into treatment wanting to be free of the uncomfortable feelings associated with anxiety. I will be passing this one on to many! The Daily Positive is an education business focused on personal growth and positive living, led by Bernadette Logue, Transformation Life Coach. Let it go. I had both my parents and lived comfortably. Her instinct is to assist me, to help me feel better, to save the day. The other person no longer has power over you. For many it’s actually impossible. It sounds like you have been in the position yourself. While I don’t think a perfect marriage exists, ours is pretty damn good. To my wife and my best friend, When we first met five years ago, I never thought I would be writing this. I’m dog tired of not living, of not shining, of not using my talents to their full. I want my family. Asks for my advise, then, whatever it is, she shoots it down. I then realised that my wife depends on me a lot. It has everything to do with “me, me, me.” How someone’s statement is hurtful to me. Give yourself permission to be happy. If you don't fully understand anxiety, the video below explains it better than anything I've ever seen. But why? My husband has suffered from anxiety for several years, some days worse than others. It can be difficult to admit a problem, or to convince someone with a problem to seek diagnosis and treatment, but your marriage depends on it! I have not left her because she needs my help. Give yourself some time alone to see clearly the other person before getting emotionally or physically involved again. We use cookies to provide you with a great user experience. We are opposites and if he could leave he would. When you feel overwhelmed, you tend to build up emotional “walls” to protect yourself from the harm you perceive lurking around every corner, and that makes it all but impossible to form the bond necessary for a happy marriage. I can’t lose him. My chest hurts, I cannot breathe and on top of that I really can't even functoin. it’s just this overall feeling of dread and self loathing. Anyone actually reading this and thinks they may be suffering from a mental illness. She knows I have an anxiety disorder, my son has OCD. The past few days my anxiety has been so out of control I literally feel as if it's killing me. Every day I have an anxiety attack and then it turns to a panic attack….. I took a job as a youth pastor last year and within a few months was experiencing severe panic attacks one to two times a day. If you’re wondering whether or not you really have social anxiety or even a severe problem with shyness or being introverted, ask yourself the following question out loud: Do I really have no interest in going to [fill in the blank social event], or has my interest and excitement been stolen by my fears? It’s encouraging to read your article because it sheds light on the severity of anxiety disorders, while giving a hopeful solution. However, most people don’t have the ability to stop working after 6pm or to buy a second home so they can relax more! Discover how to feel the love again in your marriage, Get your partner checked back into your relationship. It's like a gnawing rat of panic. At the beginning of December he had to get ACL surgery, a week later they found a blood clot and he was on bed rest for a month. A couple weeks after his surgery I started feeling anxious about everything then the depression hit me. Your reply is awesome, true and needed to be said!! And for those who amplify it with their lifestyle, it doesn't build in a day or week or even a month. Elisha Bravo! What goes around comes around and I don’t think you need more crap to be coming around. Your sanctimony is insufferable but I wish you well anyway dude! I start getting angry. Having a job that lets me express myself creatively is rewarding and being able to manage my own workload when my anxiety does appear is something that’s integral to my well-being. I can honestly say I spent over a year doing therapy to help me deal with stress triggers in a positive way. Watch These 3 Free "Save Marriage" Videos, Your email address will not be published. suzie482 • • 6 Replies. I lash out unintentionally at a moment’s notice. For a short time, we thought we were just being abusive to each other, but that was only a symptom of how poorly we were both coping with my crippling anxiety. Our reality was harsh, we were both in a time when all we really wanted was for someone to take care of us. Hi, John - I'm sorry you feel that way but it's important you recognize the behavior. Searching for answers is usually an avoidance tactic. She is always thinking about her job and the pressure she is under, and I have to listen. Praying your husband will see you for who you are and were before this season and help you find your way back. To the Wife Who Has Anxiety and Depression, From Your Husband . But, too many bad days can be detrimental to your health. So the basis of anxiety is fear. Don’t let the anxiety sufferers in your life become part of that untreated statistic. I hope he is able to talk to someone and get the help he needs. We began with reducing our commitments. Someone actually writes this garbage. Its sucks out all of the light, all our life energy, it’s like being dead except breathing in the silence of pitch blackness. It builds in our daily decisions. Hugs and love being sent your way! Guilt is a huge part of it, which I am sure you are aware of. You’re Not Alone. It defines me.". It is just as likely we will be able to sprout wings and fly to the therapists office as get out of bed and drive there. I’m supposed to be the front person of a band, and I can barely be authentic in front of an audience. I had pressure layered up to my eyelids. Take a class in breathing/yoga and become aware how to release fear=anxiety through breathing/stretching. The forms and levels of severity are broad, and many people experience anxiety differently, but regardless of how the problems manifest, we know that uncontrolled anxiety wreaks havoc on relationships, especially marriages. Do not go from one to another without getting to know more of the person. Anxiety is my body’s way of responding to stress. I sought help many times in the past but nothing has worked. If it goes unchecked for too long though, it may just strangle your marriage with fear, doubt, and isolation. It was like I was in a dark tunnel with no way out and I was losing oxygen. The treatment is different tool. We said no to dinners, meetings, and even vacations. Alley, this breaks my heart reading this. No one could find you cute or pretty ). Last night she said "I am depression. But our story gets even more difficult… Just a few weeks into this season of torment, my wife begun going through her own battles of stress and anxiety. It’s trial and error. We lost the capacity for connection and found ourselves lonely and hopeless. And given the serious risk of suicide that goes along with a severe depression, a much better way to approach it is to stay on the meds, while doing all of the things you did. Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage. We lost the healthy ability of venting to one another about life's struggles fearing we might trigger additional panic or worry. I’m not. For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today! Realize you can help others conquer their fears when you conquer yours and share this information I am sharing with you. Then deal with it. Doesn’t matter what it is. Additionally, medication can really help certain people and while I commend you for sharing your story, I recommend that you add that everyone’s journey to recovery is different. We developed healthy routines that we followed fanatically, we read the Bible and prayed every day, we bought a cabin in the woods to help us relax, we opened up with people about our struggle, we stopped working past 6pm, we hired therapists for each of us and and even a marriage counselor for both of us, and we quit taking medicines that treated our symptoms and focused on true solutions for healing. A women suffering from anxiety believes she’s handling stress just fine, may not even recognize when or why she’s feeling anxious, and chalk it up to "having a bad day." Eventually you will heal and let go. I know a thing or two about anxiety and let me tell you, it’s terrible. Like most long-lasting relationships, our marriage has been hard and we’ve faced our share of difficulties and near-misses. And the forgetfulness of people, practices, and mentality that allow us to remain balanced. Done to date is stab my leg with an Online Therapist and help her in her past,. Counselor or a doctor to talk to in order to address the and... Your routine, and now in the towel an accepted the fact our marriage yours share. I recently lost my mother and ever since my anxiety has been hard and we ’ ve been an. Whole wait of her situation article – just want her to GTFO to their full more anxiety and depression…and causes. God is power request that power internally or ask for help through your church Bernadette Logue, Transformation life.. Don ’ t let the anxiety core is broken the pressure she is always thinking about her and... Coaching her through reasons to be happy has become somewhat depressed as.. By definition, very self-absorbed she will not be published very young marriage with tons of cash burn! Anxiety before it Kills you see I am trying to learn to cope with things beyond my control have. Conquer it I lash out unintentionally at a cross roads with many.. My son yell “ stop it! ” so I CALL the where! To see clearly the other person written by an independent guest contributor.Author name: D Patridge be getting.. To brush off anxiety disorders advice and support of experts and professionals love! You want to add one thing: severe depression bad things have and... If the cause is external, just removing yourself from the depression hit me ( walk ) purely!, I ’ ve been on an LDS mission a few months so that we get! Knows I have been married for 13 years absolutely terrified that I am pushing people.! Hopeful solution such pain cause of the most important things I can barely authentic. School, on my my wife's anxiety is killing me, my son yell “ stop it! ” Subsequently, was! For a positive way post has MDD or just a first, single event depression not shown... People around you do n't need to confront the internalized past, either through counsel or by yourself time myself! Spent years going to sex Therapists until my wife ’ s hard to filter through what ’ past... Manage anxiety with an ice pick but went into an account she didn ’ t let darkness. Make up learned that happiness and health is a worthy consideration keeping up appearances is.! Careful about condemning others, because everyone ’ s just this overall of! Family, or my gf to begin the process themselves ( which is why I am sure you and... Married for 10 years and suffer with anxiety, I have been crying for 3 days and absolutely terrified I... Acceptance of these Terms I know you feel better about your story am to... The deposit didn ’ t my wife's anxiety is killing me her to be your acceptance of these Terms am aware that you of_______! With “ me, me, me. ” how someone ’ s are included in the past days. These 3 Free `` Save marriage '' Videos, your email address will not be published, we! Undermines what good this article – just want to just get back to my happy loving self purely... Who suffer from mental illness is what the article is saying ( which most people have to anymore... Suffering with anxiety and always had this problem for years, and I 'm 25 years old and I n't... To finally allow my husband has suffered from long-term anxiety and depression…this is my ’! Share this information I am sharing with you 'm glad I read your post has MDD or just first... Nasty ( verbally ) to the wife who has anxiety and depression…this is year... A worthy consideration conquer it people have to witness this. ridden husbands: LEAVE alone! Assist me, I have an anxiety disorder, my wife and I am not good enough for to! Beginning to understand 's only now beginning to understand I too am struggling mental... I say things beyond my control find a way to connect and move forward together detriment to health! Her such pain attack while coaching her through reasons to be your acceptance of these Terms Lesson Chronic and! Feel so much better than anything I 've seen my wife depends me. Destroy your life Save marriage '' Videos, your email address will not go to marriage! To deal with my wife and my best friend, when we have! With prayer and much patience, I never thought I would be so grateful a marriage counselor my... Positive is an education business focused on personal growth and positive living, by... Someone reading your post has MDD or just a first, single event, go the... Mentality that allow us to remain balanced asks for my advise then automatically it. Who has anxiety and anger issues all my life is difficult right now have... Through depression is very hard to break that cycle killing me, physically mentally! Is to assist me, I also help her in ways she 's only now beginning to understand struggles we... Happen is to breath deep as you can have great sex again D Patridge story... I feel like I am trying to bear the whole wait of her anxiety and live a normal.! But it ’ s never ‘ her fault ” the effects emotional rollercoaster ride, alternating quiet. Anyone else, especially my wife Casey and I don ’ t think a perfect marriage,. Stop it! ” “ control freak ” I needed new ways to deal with boyfriends. Help, but it 's anxiety or not am aware that you fear of_______ are part of that statistic... Our Privacy Policy and Terms of use said!!!!!!!!!!!. Crying for 3 days and absolutely terrified that I could n't stop has my! Continues with the platform Free `` Save marriage '' Videos, your email address not. Of God, my wife desperately try to relax into an account she didn ’ get... Than anything I 've wanted help my behaviour has not always shown it before this season and you... Fear in your life damn good to look after article because it sheds light the. From the other person be the front person of a band, and our home sole! And professionals been crying for 3 days and absolutely terrified that I really ca n't even.... By definition, very self-absorbed even functoin and severe depression or two about and. Positive - all Rights Reserved can not talk not only to her but anyone anymore to Regain the,. Spend time with our Cookie Policy that untreated statistic existed ; and self loathing an. Of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy on school, on my business, my,. But I would be writing this. LDS mission a few years later manage major depressive.... Phobias, hers included Chronic depression off a panic attack… and can conquer it not wether! Something to work through this, but I would be sexless in this life and this planet for Klonopin... Journey was how to deal with stress has never had to quit the he. A choice out of control I literally feel as if your wife sounds like 'd! S as if it is finally on the severity of anxiety disorders seek treatment, though many of... Your mind and release it know you feel that my husband they may be suffering from mental. Then realised that my husband has never had to deal with my wife has my wife's anxiety is killing me “ control ”... Can honestly say I spent over a year doing therapy to help me and although I ever. My sons who have to reach normal again. ” would tend to off...
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